{Feed The Addict} |
Hello my dearest. It seems as though you have been drawn to this page. I am sorry to disappoint you but I'm really nothing special, there's no way around that. I'm a confused girl that has been tattered and torn very frequently on multiple occasions. In my eyes I have no self worth and I'd rather live for others than that of myself. There are 3 things that mean alot to me... Relationships {whether that be friendship or other}, Music and Art {or in turn self expression}. You mess with those things when it comes to me, I will not be happy. I'm addicted to many things, writing and caffeine are the 2 most prominent. Then there is.. music, drawing on myself and chipping the black nail polish on my frequently dark nails. I hate being alone, it makes me go mental. Even though I'm alone alot.. I'm a social person, I enjoy the company of others. There is this thing called love that I strongly believe in, but I think it's beyond the butterflies and the tingling of the skin. People can be in love with soo many things other than another human being {if that's what you really want to call us}. Love isn't something that happens over night, it sinks into your system, it creeps into your thoughts. It completely overcomes you but not in an instant. So, if you are dating someone for less than a 2 month period do not tell me you love them, just avoid that subject all together. I've had messed up moments in my life that some people may regret but I don't regret them because they are the moments that dictate who I am RIGHT now, and I appreciate that because I will always rather be myself than anyone else. |
1) I love my best friend and he is barely acknowledging I exist at the moment, even though he knows for a fact that there is something wrong with me. He ignores it. It’s like I’m no longer important and I hate it so much. When I think about it my body begins to ache, he is such a big part of my life, I can’t lose him. not now, not yet, possibly not ever.
2) My other best friend has seemed to come to the conclusion that i shouldn’t go on pills for my condition because they “won’t help”. “I’ll have to do it on my own in order to feel better”. and “if it were her she would look at all the other possibilities”… Right now I just want to shake her like a rag doll. THERE ARE NO OTHER POSSIBILITIES.
3) I don’t want to hang out with my friends really anymore because I feel thuroughly like shit and all of them make me feel guilty about it. Most of them are these big balls of stress that worry too much about every little thing. I don’t need the drama and I don’t need the added stress. There are a few specific people I can tolerate right now, stop nagging me and maybe you’ll turn into one of them for christ sakes!
4) Then there’s this major insomnia problem… I can’t sleep when I need/want to. My body fricken hates me right now
5) last but not least, my family.. that’s all I gotta say because if I elaborated on that I would be here for days
